so that when it fails

At some point your will isn't strong enough. And you know it. And you pretend like it isn't true. But deep down you know it is true.

At some point you realize that sin is common because it is attractive and makes you feel full in ways that are really empty. And afterwards you know it. And you pretend like you didn't know it ahead of time, that it would end in emptiness. But deep down you know you knew.

At some point you decide to go ahead and give in though pretending you are not headed down those darkened paths. And you know it. And you pretend like actions are like any other actions until they are no longer like those other actions and your will drops and your pretenses drop and you give in and you sin and you enjoy that sin within and then and then it's done and then and then that emptiness sets in. But deep down you know you couldn't win.

There is this thing called resignation to the disobedience of your will. Proof that you could never be good enough, because really, you tried, you forestalled, you delayed as far as you were able. And then.