As an elder of the church, I spend a lot of my shepherding time listening to the frustrations of the flock. That inevitably means I spend a lot of time counseling others against looking for a new church. Some may find this counsel self-interested, but I assure you it is not. Whether or not church attendance waxes or wanes affects me personally not one whit. My counsel is never motivated by a desire to fill the pews and coffers. It is rooted in a fundamental view of the church.At the end of Matt12 (v47-50), Jesus makes a stunning revelation. When asked about His mother and siblings, Christ stretches out His arms to the disciples and crowd and states that everyone was His sibling. In v50 Jesus says "whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother." Jesus makes the connection that fellow Christians are like a family.
In that vein, leaving churches should be like leaving one's family -- done only in very rare and extenuating circumstances. And while there is no singular verse where the Bible states "Don't ever leave your church", the family analogy is clear enough. And throughout the Pauline epistles, Paul preaches unity and oneness as he encourages splintered churches to stay united. He spent a lot of time, for example, discussing when divorce is acceptable; he never wrote up when leaving a church is acceptable. I think that's telling.
Here are the only acceptable reasons in my mind where leaving a church is not SIN:
- Moving away: Just like when two people get married and move out-of-state for a new job, taking them away from their families, it's permissible to leave a church when you're no longer in the area.
- Getting married: Two young people get married and decide to find their own identity and their own family. That often includes being separated from two home churches (or one common church) to be on their own.
- Church is preaching bad doctrine: If you're a Christian and your immediate family begins practicing paganism, you might leave to protect your faith. When your church begins preaching health&wealth or declaring homosexuality and abortion aren't sin, run run away.
That's the complete list. Every other reason is sin. Don't like a particular program? Tough luck. Stay and vent to the church leadership and call for change. Have an issue with another brother or sister? Tough luck. Stay and practice forgiveness. Want something cooler and shinier and new? Tough luck. Change your selfish heart. American culture has programmed us to believe in individual choice, where we can have things our way. And when our church doesn't behave how we want it, we change it like we change socks or restaurants. American culture is the WORST possible teacher as it concerns selflessness and humility and patience and loyalty and faithfulness. Trust me, when I hear about families leaving churches, it says far more to me about the deserters than it says about the church.
3 comments:
Thank you for this post. My husband and I have been searching for a church ever since we moved from Texas to Washington. We have had some strange church experiences since moving to Washington and I am amazed at how many ministers seem to think it is ok to change the scriptures or to declare that certain behavior such as homosexuality is acceptable. In the past couple of years we had been listening to the Hour of Power but that is a ministry that has fallen apart so we once again need to restart the search. Your words have given me the push I need to start the search again.
With all due respect, while I agree with you that one should not leave a church because of a disagreement or because the church is no longer meeting their needs, I think you should be careful about declaring that your list is the be all, end all list. What about the person or family that God calls out of one church to minister to another church; to use the gifts and talents He has given them to grow and mature another family, much like He calls missionaries to do? Perhaps that call is a difficult decision, but one that requires obedience and sacrifice. If one of the flock is called by the Shepherd, the leaders of the church should get behind them and support them the best they can. They should encouraging obedience above all else because the church is bigger than a building, the Master plan is bigger than a constitution or bylaws. It's all for His glory anyway, so if He changes things up on you, or moves some people around to advance His kingdom, then glory be.
Debbie Le
My contention is not that families should never be obedient to God; obviously obedience to God comes first. My assertion is that God would never call a family out of a church, even in the example you lay out. Some Christians have claimed they divorced their spouse because God told them to. God would never call them to divorce; and in my belief, God would never call them to leave a church.
In your example, why would a gifted family move to another church and steal away a leadership or service or growth opportunity from another young family already at that church? If another church is lacking something, that is an opportunity for internal growth, not for another church to lend its members. If no one in my family can cook, I don't steal someone's daughter. Someone in my family takes cooking lessons.
And no church I know of is so perfect that they don't need continued service and usage of their members' gifts. A gifted family at a church should not use their gifts elsewhere. Rather they can form a new service or ministry. Or mentor others in the church that aren't using their gifts. But they don't shop around town like the Music Man showcasing their wares. As Pastor said this past Sunday, "no one is indispensable."
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