has filled your heart

I'm going to veer dangerously close to (or possibly over into) blasphemy. I'll start by making it clear that I believe wholeheartedly in the Trinity. That I worship the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit -- growing up Catholic, how could I not? That I understand and believe all three are Almighty and Divine and worthy of all praise. You don't need to convince me of their individual and collective importance.

That is not to say I love all three the same way.

All of us will say, for instance, that we love our mother and father the same. It is for most of us, of course, a complete and utter lie. Every child either loves one parent more than the other, or at the very least, loves them the same but differently. And that is not a bad thing. Mothers and fathers have different roles and different personalities. It would be unnatural to love them exactly the same. In the same way, I love the different persons of the Godhead differently.

I love the Father the way I love my earthly father. I respect and revere Him. I have a holy fear of Him. I understand that all I have comes from Him. I serve Him and am obedient to His will. I know He is in complete and utter control of every millisecond of my life. I love the Spirit in much the same way. I appreciate that my gifts come from Him. I am grateful that my salvation was through His moving in my heart. I am thankful that when I utilize gifts such as teaching or preaching, I am completely dependent on Him for getting me through it. But -- and here comes the blasphemy (?) -- I don't love the Father and Spirit the same way I love Jesus.

I love Jesus in the way I love my wife. I feel close to Him. I talk to Him more naturally and freely and casually about anything and everything. I can picture Him smiling and delighting in me. I think about Him all the time. When I am away from Him for long periods of time and realize it, I long to be with Him in the way I miss my wife when I'm on the road. My heart is bent toward wanting to please Him and make Him happy. His unhappiness and displeasure in something I do saddens my heart more than anything ever could.

I've mulled on this difference all week. And I have no problems reconciling or admitting this truth. And it is possibly why I struggle so much with the "Love God" vs "Love Christ" question. Because in my own heart, the latter is the clear choice; is always the clear choice. I suppose I can't lead others into my own brand of blasphemy (if it is such). But if Paul, the greatest preacher and teacher and evangelist who ever lived, agrees with me, how wrong could that love be?