pressed into service to bear

Struggling lately with my role as a shepherd of the flock. Headed to a retreat with other shepherds yesterday, and in the middle of my foul mood, the Lord rebuked me about my attitude. Here I am, a leader among the brethren, and my heart towards everything I am doing and want to do and need to do was either resigned to the worst or begrudging. And the Lord reminded me about three things.

* First, I serve -- and all believers serve -- at the good pleasure of God. It is in fact a supreme privilege and great honor to be able to represent Him on earth, and to do His work, and to lead others to do His work. If it feels like prison rockbreaking, it is because our attitude is out-of-whack. There are millions upon millions of believers, and not all are being used by God. To be counted among that group of those being used is a unique privilege, and one we should not forget.

* Secondly, I serve -- and all believers should serve -- as a response of gratitude to God. We owe Him eternity and our very lives, and every blessing big and small. The cattle on a thousand hills and all we own is His. We cannot earn His love or our salvation. We have been given tremendous heavenly blessings. To serve Him is the very least of what we can do in gratitude.

* Lastly, I serve -- and all believers serve -- because we are commanded to. If serving the church feels like a responsibility, well, it is. I may have unhappy moments being a father or a husband or a son or an employee, and guess what? Too bad. Suck it up. Being worn down is part of a broken creation, and an aspect of lots of different things in life. If I can persevere as a father and a husband and a son and an employee, why can't I as a shepherd of the church?

Christ doesn't want my tithe if I am unhappy giving it to Him. Christ doesn't want a song sung if my heart isn't in the words. Christ doesn't want me sitting glumly in church if I'm not there to listen. And Christ doesn't want -- nor does He need -- my service as a shepherd if I cannot do it out of loving obedience to Him. Much to think about.