Speaking with my wife yesterday, I made a connection which completely changed the way I think about my search for true religion, religion in general, and God. The revelation was this: for sufferers of OCD, Catholicism is the perfect religion.
Think about it: Is saying the rosary and its patterned Our Fathers and Salve Reginas any less different than checking the front door lock three times? Is crossing repeatedly in the name of the Father, Son, & Holy Spirit any different than not walking on cracks on the floor? Is the whole liturgy and recitation and chanting any different than whispering under your breath whenever you pass by a street whose number is even?
The greater questions: do we seek religions that conform to us, or do we conform to religion? Is religion merely a reflection of us and not of God? Is God's image in us meant for us to fit Him, or our image of us defining Him to fit us?
And really, all these numbers in the Bible that I'm understanding and not understanding -- is it the numbers or me?
12.08.2004
12.07.2004
of the will of man
They say that if you force yourself to smile, even if you aren't in the mood to smile, but if you keep forcing yourself to smile, you will actually feel yourself wanting to smile eventually -- that by willing yourself to do an action, you can proactively change the underlying feelings behind the action.
I believe this is so, and I have been experimenting with it in another action: worship. The scenes described in Rev are clear when discussing worship before the throne: everyone is doing the same things, whether it be prostrate, hands raised, or voices raised. There is no variation like you see in church where some are standing, some are seated, some have raised hands, some are merely lipping the words half-heartedly. No, in Heaven you cannot but help to fully worship. Which makes it clear that here on earth, some issue with will prevents people from fully experiencing the snapping trembles.
Here's where the smile approach comes in. You can force yourself to worship, and if you do, you will eventually change the underlying feeling of not wanting to. This is not a matter of new Christian vs old Christian. This is not a matter of traditional staid Christian vs charismatic. This is not an issue of quiet, reserved person vs outgoing person. This is an issue of wanting to fully worship vs not wanting to fully worship.
The struggle of will is twofold. First, you are wrestling with the Devil, and be not unclear on this point. He does not want you in the presence, that's a certainty. So you already have a base level of resistance in the standing, the singing, the raising of the hands. The second struggle is overcoming your own internal feelings -- which are really the front being used by the first struggle, mind you.
But you're not an outgoing person. But what if people see you. But you've never done it before. But you're embarrassed by what people will think of you. But you feel a little silly. But you used to get irritated by people who do that. But you've never understood the reason for these things before. But your relationship with God is of the quiet type.
Here's the thing, luke (as in warmth): these are excuses no better than involvement of a canine with your schoolwork. You're not outgoing? You will be with God in Heaven. People will see you? They will before the throne. Never before? Never experienced the snapping trembles either; you don't know what you're missing.
The other objections fall flat in the face of the sheer truth: amidst a congregation of whatever size, it isn't you and them in worship. It is you and Him. It is you in the presence. The others will disappear, especially when you close your eyes and experience the presence. You won't feel it at first, but that can and will change. Those underlyings will change, and when they do, these questions become moot the next time won't they?
I believe this is so, and I have been experimenting with it in another action: worship. The scenes described in Rev are clear when discussing worship before the throne: everyone is doing the same things, whether it be prostrate, hands raised, or voices raised. There is no variation like you see in church where some are standing, some are seated, some have raised hands, some are merely lipping the words half-heartedly. No, in Heaven you cannot but help to fully worship. Which makes it clear that here on earth, some issue with will prevents people from fully experiencing the snapping trembles.
Here's where the smile approach comes in. You can force yourself to worship, and if you do, you will eventually change the underlying feeling of not wanting to. This is not a matter of new Christian vs old Christian. This is not a matter of traditional staid Christian vs charismatic. This is not an issue of quiet, reserved person vs outgoing person. This is an issue of wanting to fully worship vs not wanting to fully worship.
The struggle of will is twofold. First, you are wrestling with the Devil, and be not unclear on this point. He does not want you in the presence, that's a certainty. So you already have a base level of resistance in the standing, the singing, the raising of the hands. The second struggle is overcoming your own internal feelings -- which are really the front being used by the first struggle, mind you.
But you're not an outgoing person. But what if people see you. But you've never done it before. But you're embarrassed by what people will think of you. But you feel a little silly. But you used to get irritated by people who do that. But you've never understood the reason for these things before. But your relationship with God is of the quiet type.
Here's the thing, luke (as in warmth): these are excuses no better than involvement of a canine with your schoolwork. You're not outgoing? You will be with God in Heaven. People will see you? They will before the throne. Never before? Never experienced the snapping trembles either; you don't know what you're missing.
The other objections fall flat in the face of the sheer truth: amidst a congregation of whatever size, it isn't you and them in worship. It is you and Him. It is you in the presence. The others will disappear, especially when you close your eyes and experience the presence. You won't feel it at first, but that can and will change. Those underlyings will change, and when they do, these questions become moot the next time won't they?
12.06.2004
and lead me in a level path
Definitely its own Sunday, this idea. Clearly related to rising, and it's a good idea, so maybe its the kickoff. Here's where the stairs come in: your whole life, everyone's whole life is a struggle to climb to the top of a four-step staircase. Four steps doesn't seem like a lot, but the difference between story one and two is an eternity.
I/You/We start at the bottom step. You begin your life and spend most of your life living in this pit of sin. If all you know to do is live within that pit, you think you're doing all right with yourself. Thing is, you're in a pit, man. Looking up is when you see Him, hand out, asking you if you'd like help out of that pit. Take His hand. Take His hand. Because if you do, that's step one.
Once you're out of that pit, you're ready for step two. Crawling out of that pit, even with an extra helping hand, is tiring. You're exhausted, spent, and often face-first on the ground. Looking down, you see the effort of your struggle out of the pit has stained your robes, has stained you and you again find yourself looking up. Only this time, the helping hand reaching out to you is nailed to a cross. But take His hand, because this is the only way past the second step, friend.
Now that you find yourself clinging to the cross, above the ground, above the pit, clinging CLINGING to that tree, you find yourself looking for that next step up. Step three already finds you in a place from which you cannot slip, a place from which you're already above where you deserve, but it's still not where He needs you. And looking up, again, you peer into the Heavens and there He is still above you, and there's that hand. And if you take that hand, that ever-reaching hand, you can proceed even further. There He is reigning in Heaven, waiting for you to see and live beyond the whole clinging. You don't reach Him yet at step three, but being that close with the snapping trembles, you know you're not that far at all.
You won't reach the fourth step here, brother (sister). That fourth step is pretty much taken for you. At your end, you'll take that fourth step and find yourself looking up still; there He is, enthroned. Waiting for you to take His hand one more time. He's got somewhere for you to go, where there is no looking up; arisen you are.
I/You/We start at the bottom step. You begin your life and spend most of your life living in this pit of sin. If all you know to do is live within that pit, you think you're doing all right with yourself. Thing is, you're in a pit, man. Looking up is when you see Him, hand out, asking you if you'd like help out of that pit. Take His hand. Take His hand. Because if you do, that's step one.
Once you're out of that pit, you're ready for step two. Crawling out of that pit, even with an extra helping hand, is tiring. You're exhausted, spent, and often face-first on the ground. Looking down, you see the effort of your struggle out of the pit has stained your robes, has stained you and you again find yourself looking up. Only this time, the helping hand reaching out to you is nailed to a cross. But take His hand, because this is the only way past the second step, friend.
Now that you find yourself clinging to the cross, above the ground, above the pit, clinging CLINGING to that tree, you find yourself looking for that next step up. Step three already finds you in a place from which you cannot slip, a place from which you're already above where you deserve, but it's still not where He needs you. And looking up, again, you peer into the Heavens and there He is still above you, and there's that hand. And if you take that hand, that ever-reaching hand, you can proceed even further. There He is reigning in Heaven, waiting for you to see and live beyond the whole clinging. You don't reach Him yet at step three, but being that close with the snapping trembles, you know you're not that far at all.
You won't reach the fourth step here, brother (sister). That fourth step is pretty much taken for you. At your end, you'll take that fourth step and find yourself looking up still; there He is, enthroned. Waiting for you to take His hand one more time. He's got somewhere for you to go, where there is no looking up; arisen you are.
and they will level you to
While in the presence, this image came to me. Its explanation to follow later.
12.05.2004
God has sent speaks the words of
Consider Gabriel. Unlike Michael, not known for his power, but his gift of gab. Imagine him on day one, wondering what the task was when called. Given the order to speak to an old man about a mere pregnancy, imagine the arrogance of a mortal man questioning his message from God. Imagine almost the bored response of someone ready to return for other (hopefully) more important duties.
Then imagine day two. Imagine being called for the grandest task possible for a communicator. Imagine the sheer wonder of a message beyond comprehension. Imagine the privilege of being the one to be the first to announce the onset of the grandest plan in all the universe.
Imagine.
Then imagine day two. Imagine being called for the grandest task possible for a communicator. Imagine the sheer wonder of a message beyond comprehension. Imagine the privilege of being the one to be the first to announce the onset of the grandest plan in all the universe.
Imagine.
take special note of that person
Every parent looks at his/her children and wonders about their future. Every parent also looks at his/her children and recognizes their specialness, their uniqueness. Every parent thinks about how his/her children's specialness, uniqueness will shape their future.
But only Mary, the mother of God, had to think of these things before her child was born. Only Mary was given some certainty around the specialness, uniqueness of her child. Only Mary was given some certainty about her child's future.
The heartbreaking perspective from which to view Mary is this: she could not foresee the third: how her child's specialness, uniqueness would shape a future that ended on trees upon which she would wish He would not climb.
But only Mary, the mother of God, had to think of these things before her child was born. Only Mary was given some certainty around the specialness, uniqueness of her child. Only Mary was given some certainty about her child's future.
The heartbreaking perspective from which to view Mary is this: she could not foresee the third: how her child's specialness, uniqueness would shape a future that ended on trees upon which she would wish He would not climb.
12.04.2004
have given me I lost
We're back to names again with Matt1. The Gospels take an inordinate amount of time to reconstruct the lineage of Jesus traced purely back to God. In one way, this used to trouble me. The point of His birth in a manger was to show the humble roots by which He entered the world: no place to stay except a stable, no bed except a manger, a disgraced mom, a carpenter's son, a man of Galilee, etc. All this paints a good context. And salvation is to come from the Jews, so He had to be Jewish, not arguing that point. But part of David's lineage? Direct descendant of Isaac? I'm thinking the humbleness could have been taken even further if traced from an even more unwanted lineage, no? Cain? Abraham's son by a mistress? Just thinking aloud.
I'd be remiss to ignore the 3 mentions of 14 right off the bat. As an even number, as a number containing 4, I have to say I don't see what the specialness is in 14. I also don't understand the whole lineage thing as outlined above, so I'm missing something.
I'd be remiss to ignore the 3 mentions of 14 right off the bat. As an even number, as a number containing 4, I have to say I don't see what the specialness is in 14. I also don't understand the whole lineage thing as outlined above, so I'm missing something.
12.03.2004
and reaching forward to what lies ahead
Previously I wondered why Rev is in there at all. When you come upon the end, you'll understand. First, in Rev19, you have perhaps the most exciting and gripping and pulse-pounding and stand up stand up STAND UP lines you will ever read in any book ever. Then, you have the wondrously peace-giving description of Heaven in 21. Then you end with the poetry of 22 that bookends with the poetry of Gen1 perfectly.
The prose and the pacing and the tone, if not the message itself, close the sense of accomplishment from the straight reading. Slogging through the middle, I always forget the finish. This is a lesson I need to learn for future reading, if not for all of life.
The prose and the pacing and the tone, if not the message itself, close the sense of accomplishment from the straight reading. Slogging through the middle, I always forget the finish. This is a lesson I need to learn for future reading, if not for all of life.
12.02.2004
two hundred denarii worth
Every word in there is supposed to be there for a reason. Every word in there is no less golden than any other word. Every book is to be seen as valuable; every chapter to be seen as instructional.
Why then do some of the Rev chapters make it seem like these tenets aren't to be trusted? Why do some of these spark the wonder of why Rev is here in the first place? Sure, Ezek and Levit could make the same arguments. Either I'm missing something, or I'm missing something.
Why then do some of the Rev chapters make it seem like these tenets aren't to be trusted? Why do some of these spark the wonder of why Rev is here in the first place? Sure, Ezek and Levit could make the same arguments. Either I'm missing something, or I'm missing something.
12.01.2004
because of the great number
Numbers have always been important to me in irritating ways. I have aversions to even numbers (especially 4 or 6). I have affinities to odd numbers, especially primes (and especially 1, 3, and 7). I can't read or see a number without first internally digesting the worth of that number. The mathematician/nerd in me values unique numbers with special properties.
Throughout the Bible, one of the most attractive features to the stories told are the adherence to these special numbers. Three is a magic number in more than just a song. In Rev, we see 7 always getting its special due (albeit in incomprehensible end time visions). We also see 144,000 [though even, 144 being 12 squared, with 12 for some reason holding special meaning to God (tribes, disciples)]. There's something about 40 that I can't figure being a 4 and an even number -- yet God holds it special with the flood, and the days in the wilderness, and the days after the Resurrection, etc.
When the Bible was written, these numbers hadn't the special study and properties attached to them later by Renaissance mathematicians. But God destined these numbers for greater things since the very beginning.
Throughout the Bible, one of the most attractive features to the stories told are the adherence to these special numbers. Three is a magic number in more than just a song. In Rev, we see 7 always getting its special due (albeit in incomprehensible end time visions). We also see 144,000 [though even, 144 being 12 squared, with 12 for some reason holding special meaning to God (tribes, disciples)]. There's something about 40 that I can't figure being a 4 and an even number -- yet God holds it special with the flood, and the days in the wilderness, and the days after the Resurrection, etc.
When the Bible was written, these numbers hadn't the special study and properties attached to them later by Renaissance mathematicians. But God destined these numbers for greater things since the very beginning.
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