washed before the meal

Trying to wear the mantle well-fitting; He will judge the outcome. Felt many rushes from the role-assuming: pride (for the flock), wanting (for the flock's growth), love (for the flock), direction (for the flock's meanderings). Expected something in the opportunity to shepherd before the holy table, and found something. But not the wanting exactly, or the love exactly, but some combination. Wanting to extend the hurting love to the sheep, get them to see the straining limbs and desperate lungs in the way they need to be seen -- not merely out of endurance of the cup wrath, but also out of bursting love; get them to really see that laid out on the holy table. There is a desire there borne from the need to convey the truth of God with full clarity, this of all things, the one to get right.

Of all the rushes from the mantle-wearing, this one buckles the legs the most.