and by chance a

Not my fault there's nothing from yesterday. Between air travel, mulfunctioning high-speed connection, and then the whole thing being down last night, I call a mulligan (note: I have always wanted to use this in conversation, regardless of the level of appropriateness).

Yesterday's Rev reading made me smile at the level of detail-orientedness and randomness of God. 8:1 mentions a moment of silence that lasts a random half an hour. 9:10 discusses scorpions with the ability to hurt men for a random five months. Half an hour? Five months?

Love it.

and reach here your

I'll reserve opinion on my church's study of Heaven till I know more than a biased thought on the topic. But here's something -- why this dichotomy: when people allude to Heaven, they point up to the sky; yet most when pressed admit they aren't sure if up is the correct direction. How could it be since science and experience shows clouds, sky, sun, moon, and stars? But no angels.

Here's how: it exists but can't be reached by men. But it is still there. Can you see/measure radio waves? What about UV and gamma rays? Until the last 50 years, no one realized these even existed. Cosmic rays? Even more recent.

So what of Heaven? Unmeasurable? Yes. But unmeasurability is not tantamount to nonexistence.

Unmeasurable? Not really. To measure it, use the correct tool, the correct units: width of the cross, one Son of God.

tabitha cum

Another future topic to cover in detail: rising. It's as important a theme as any in all the Bible, and deserves to be its own seasonal theme (if not annual theme), really, due to its encompassing broadness.

Some of the covered weeks could be:
* Resurrection, His & Laz (et al)
* Pit to Heaven, upwardbound
* All of the lames now afoot
* Adam from the clay
* Waters/flood/Red Sea
* Enoch & Elisha
* Kneelers, prostraters, forgiven

This is all pre-Concord, so I'm sure there are others. First one to find the link twixt rising and all prior posts gets it.

also performed in the presence

Once you've experienced it, it's hard not to try and have it again. You find yourself reaching, really reaching. It's like the Missing Piece by Silverstein without the dumb PC ending. If you start with a burdened heart, so all the harder.

But when it returns, man that's a sweet reunion.

for a different gospel

No matter how often I read it, Rev comes off as half-crazy and too different for inclusion in the rest of the Bible. Half-crazy because John's rantings make no obvious sense with the stars and the lampstands and the glowing image of God. Different because the NT is made up of parables, active scenes with Him, and non-ranting letters.

This time through the start, a few things actually caught my eye and made me reconsider my opinion:
* The realization that though different in tone than other NT books, this is surely no less ranty than say Ezekiel and the wheels and the six wings and the multifaces.
* Phrases like standing at doors and hearing voices and the knocking are clearly reminiscent of MMLJ.
* The grand issue of names returns; here we're given some cooler nicks for Him (the Amen being my fave) added to Son of Man et al.
* Sword of the mouth made some sense this time around (see Eph).

I'm either reaching, or reaching.

as he approached to look more closely

While running today, something occurred to me. Been on this nearing presence thing for the last week or so as should be obvious from the postings and all. I'm not sure if I ever considered the center of the whole nearing business. But it's not Him drawing closer, but vv. Much like Galileo correcting the man-centered universe myth, the running did the (non) blasphemy against inner dogma.

The hymns have it right (Nearer my God and Jesus, Draw Me Close as two examples). His path is fixed. The whole separation is not a withdrawal by Him but a wandering by us. The whole nearing presence thing is us relocating the lost.

and though his eyes were

Not going to do the whole thanking thing today. The rest of the days can do a bit of that, in fact have been doing that if not expressly. But remember the whole "of all" thing. One is neither appropriate nor enough.

Will discuss IJohn though. Like the start and its focus on light -- been saying that all along. Haven't gone into any detail on that aspect since it's fairly straightforward: illumination of sin, skulking in shadows to do evil, bright idea like a lightbulb, blinded by own sin, etc. I brought up light being pure energy a few days ago, so there's also that.

Here's an idea I'd like to try, and the opposite of one mentioned above. What really can blind you is staring straight into the sun -- only in this case, blindness is a better world. Stay with me here, but what about being blinded to your own sin? What about having to be led because you cannot see and do not know the way? What about relying on every sense except what is obvious, what is in front of you?

There are better things here in the light of these ideas. Let's develop another time.

and if he repents

Follow-up to something much earlier: not the whole interview, but a mention of it. So I'm not the only one who saw this thing, and I'm not making up the fact that even a killer (alleged) can eventually stand in the presence of God.

and to change my tone

IPet1 is one of the most eloquent reads in the entire NT. Most amazing to me is the blinding confidence of the author in what he is saying, as if directed by God Himself. Going back to our current discussion on presence, this is not surprising (ergo the use of amaze not surprise). The turning is clear, and the depth, love, and confidence that accompanied the turn -- that, well, wow.

and drawing near to

Jam4 has two sentences, two powerful sentences -- as powerful as any in the whole -- and they stand right next to each other. V 7-8. The first states that resistance will cause shadows to flee. Really? Because I've tried that. But here's the thing: I'm realizing that v 7-8 aren't meant to be split; the reason the fleeing comes about from the resisting is that the resisting isn't you doing anything other than what's in 8. And what's in 8 not only drives the fleeing, but also protects the flee from returning. And speaking on the drawing near, what we just discussed yesterday, maybe I've solved it, maybe I've really solved it.

a sponge full of the

Reading James is like getting the Constitution printed onto a grain of rice, especially if you're reading it in a sitting (there's probably some issues with the metaphor but I don't care). You could literally spend a year dissecting the book and preaching each Sunday on single sentences. It becomes a book that you want new believers to read if they only had one book to read, and a book that you want to shield new believers from ever reading.

Reasons for inclusion:
* Begins with an encouragement to persevere through trial
* Heads straight to importance of wisdom
* Discusses sin and temptation and God's role in it
* A whole paragraph follows containing famous one-liners later adapted into hymns
* Heads into doing vs mere believing -- and this and all of the above is just Ch 1!
* Attacks churches who don't love the poor.
* Faith v works
* Great paragraph on tongues
* Attacks the wealthy
* There's more, but frankly, I should just post the whole book.

Reasons for shielding:
* Faith v works, lotta trouble here
* Loss of salvation
* Whole Christian Scientist angle at the end

Again, lots here.

that occurred in connection with

You’re not keeping up here, I know. Reminder for the nth time: not for you. These all linked but only my heart can make the connection. But one day your heart will connect on its own and maybe all this will make sense.

What it is all about (trying for the nutshell): A source of light (pure energy, scientifically) who will bring you into His presence, a Stephen-like glimpse spiritually and emotionally (and maybe even physically) if not visually, if only you ask. And if you ask, you will get it in spades.

I cannot tell you enough: to get it and connect; to touch it will hurt so good; the snapping trembles will hurt so good your soul may never recover; a turning so complete you’ll wonder why it took so long for you to ask.

The journey there is important, yes. But just ask.

and he will have an abundance

He discusses in Matt 7 (and Luke 11) what kind of Father He is. If earthly dads would give bread, fish, and eggs (not rocks, snakes, and scorpions), what would He give? Well, you can't imagine it, and here's why: I'm convinced you/we don't know well enough what to ask for. Career? No, He will provide. Family? No, He is your family. Deliverance? No, He will undross you.

Then what? Intimacy. Closeness. If you ask it will be given. Ask for a walk. Ask for a breakfast alone. Ask for nearness that brings the trembles. He won't just give bread for bread, but something you cannot imagine: whole fields that make out your bread for what it is (plain slices). But the grandeur of all of Heaven awaits you for the trade.

and in my place I tremble

I know what they are, the snapping trembles. Not coherent here, because of the trembling. Rambles: third rail in NYC and Bos can't near it touch it static electricity like nearing that lightning ball and the hair rises taser and the shakes the real thing.

That's what they are: nearing the Actual. Even though so impossibly far away -- the length of a life, but the width of a cross -- getting even that close and it hurts so good. The tears actually of pain, but a pain of being so close and so far. The cramps actually of pain as well, of restraint. Running up to Heaven, all the way to Heaven not possible.

Not yet.

from for You

but the water that I will give him

Last time I harp on this (maybe not). Heb9 discusses the new convenant made with Him -- different but parallel to the original covenant with priests before God in the OT. And how did the priests initialize their covenant with God, their first cleansing? The sprinkles of course. I'm trying hard not to puff here, but really, it's hard.

will not all sleep

Not a wink last night. Explains the semi-early posting. I don't know sometimes if I do this to myself or if it's just the shadows. Before importance this happens, almost always. Is it the shadows trying to make the importance fail? Considering it never has succeeded, maybe they'd see the pattern. Is it Pavlovian at this point, and a used-to body doing what it knows is successful? Considering how it makes things physically harder, I doubt it. Is it just the dirty, doing what I know is useless? Don't know. Too tired right now to answer.

for you to carry

Confidence is a funny thing. Sometimes people you wouldn't think would have confidence overbrim; other times people who have every silver spoon in the world lack it. I flail away in the middle somewhere. I know myself and know my limitations so within those limits I'm good; with the shadows barking, and the inners knowing, well I'm not so good.

I thought I had it with me, but it was shaken. Though shaken, I'm still good, and here's why. I could hear the light remind me that confidence in my shadows, my inners, myself -- all shaky, always shaky. But light, outer, Him -- have confidence. So I will.

they themselves got into the small

Nervous for the first time in years -- real nerves, the kind that sink the stomach, twist the stomach, tickle the stomach beneath its sweaty feet. Not sure why it's only the stomach that gets mentioned usually. There's also the tingling in the digits. Have to remember that I can go to Him with this little stuff. Lord of all -- that means small stuff too. Not selfish; dependency on Him for all is what He wants.

everyone who hangs on a tree

I'm not one to fall for cheesiness or sentimentality. I think I tend to see it as a weakness, that you can't control your own emotions. If you can't control yourself or what's inside you, what can you control?

The one topic (cheesy or otherwise) where I can't control my emotions is when it comes to the Cross. Check the prior posts, but I can't control the snapping trembles. I don't want to be able to control the snapping trembles. And I'm pretty sure He doesn't either, especially because He knows I'm no good at controlling anything.

This preface is so that I can post the following edited story that I read, and within half a minute, the trembles had knocked out the rivers within (apologies to any copyright issues I may be violating):

Once upon a time there were three little trees who all had a dream of what they should grow up to be someday.

* Tree #1 hoped to be a beautiful treasure chest.
* Tree #2 hoped to be a strong ship.
* Tree #3 hoped to grow straight, and to be the tallest tree in the forest.

Time passed, and one day three woodsmen came and cut down the three trees. They were each made into something that was far from their dreams.

* Tree #1 was made into a feedbox for animals.
* Tree #2 was made into a small fishing boat.
* Tree #3 was cut into long large beams and left alone in the dark.

Many years passed by and the three trees almost forgot about each of their dreams; but God had not forgotten.

* One starry night in a Bethlehem stable, tree #1 held the greatest treasure in the world.
* One evening a great storm arose, and tree #2 didn't think he could keep his passengers safe. Then one man who had been asleep in the boat arose, and He calmed the storm.
* Finally, tree #3 was made into a rugged cross; a man was nailed to it. High upon a hill, He died upon that cross.

God always had a plan for the trees . . . a different plan to fulfill their dreams.

For a longer version of the same story, check this out. No trembles? Still feel really badly for you. Still do.

I have spoken wrongly, testify of the wrong

It's been brought to my attention that there was a bit of a slip-up in a recent blogging. I mentioned that all pics were and would always be B/W because -- well, go do the research on the why. The point is 11.5 makes that a big fat lie. I could try to justify that one pic -- since it's not one reflecting me or one of my moods, but one explaining something blogged, that there's a difference.

I won't take the easy road. Just call me a liar or give it to me as the exception that proves the rule. See? Still B/W.

that which comes down out of

Reading 2Tim1 made me a little sad today, but also a little encouraged. Saul has a short little mention of two names (minors, really, except they're not nameless). He tells his "son" (keep up with me) that he is mindful of Tim's sincere faith which first dwelt in grams and mom, and is probably in Tim.

Sad 1: He's worked with Tim and knows Tim, but is only mostly sure about the sincerity of Tim's faith? How sad for Tim.

Sad 2: My mom nor grams (nor dad nor gramps) had first dwellings of anything passed down to me. Without Him grabbing me, I would have fallen short after having lived in emptiness. And if the shadows came with the light that grabbed me, I'm telling you that's a good trade, don't try to dispel both.

Encouraged 1: I'm trying. Lord knows I'm trying. My babies will escape this second sadness someday. I will die trying to ensure that.

openly of Him for

Making up for the late posts and the skipped posts (three today, so leave me alone). In I Tim, Saul calls Tim his son and his child in the faith. It occurred to me that is where Revs get the whole father label. Prots think it arrogant (modeling after God) -- especially the whole Forgive-me-father-for-I-have-sinned spiel. Readings lately have begun to make me question my whole stance, my open-to-Prot-ideas-they-can't-all-be-wrong stance; maybe I was right all along.

one on either side

For those wondering why all pics here are (and will always be) in black and white, here's the answer (same answer this whole thing is about): it's for me, not you. I see the world in black and white, and were it possible I'd make myself literally color-blind. The reasoning is that the world believes there are shades of gray. But the world once also thought the whole shebang was flat, so there's that. Shades of gray only exist when there is no right and wrong; in business and law, compromise is king. Fine, but in all other things there are clear sides, and a compromise is only the result of blindly not understanding or ignoring one side.

Ex: in the abortion debate, what is the compromise here? One side says infanticide is wrong, and the other says babies don't vote, so screw 'em. What is the middle ground here? Evil would have you believe that you accept that it's wrong but you can't make everyone believe it's wrong (can't force belief) so let it be. That's not a compromise, that's a con-job.

Black and white is the only way to see things, and I believe to Him there is no middle ground. But I'm a good person. But I never did any really bad stuff. But I thought I had more time to make a decision. But I was raised wrong. Guess what? On J-Day excuses cut nothing. To Him, you've taken a side when you tack to the center -- and that side is the wrong one.

Short answer: B/W pics look cooler.

to Him, "what is truth?"

My church just went through what was to me an interminable series on rewards in Heaven. In past years, I think I would have violently attacked teachings which were unfamilar to me solely out of defense of my learned faith rather than out of a defense of the truth. What was different about my critical and admittedly closed-minded listening to this series was that I truly did not start closed but open -- it was as if the closing began on its own, some force closing the door without my selfish hand aiding it. That "force" I attribute to HS, for the first time activating my long-dormant sense of righteous anger over untruth rather than anger over unknown truth.

Either I'm doing something right, or I can't tell right from wrong any longer. I'm a little scared of both answers.

they do not tremble

I woke up this morning, and it was shaking -- my heart, that is. Even a hypochondriac like me knows it isn't arrhythmia. That's why, maybe, it's in my head this morning -- a verse, and a great one at that:

sometimes it causes me to tremble

The song misled me for many years since the start of each verse and the title itself leads one to think only in the past tense; but the trembling, that's the present, the now. At least some times, just as it says.

That some time for me is today for some reason; been trembling all morning. If you've never experienced the trembles before -- well, I feel really badly for you. It's one thing to love, but something altogether different to love so much you get the jimmyheart.

I once had my heart drop at the sight of a woman in white -- a beauty so bright it snapped the girders that are meant to stabilize the shakes. That's what the trembles really are: snapping the stabilizers, something so bright it snaps the stabilizers. Most people experience the snapping and the trembling at various non-religious moments in their lives. But if you can't feel the snapping trembles with Him on a regular basis -- seriously, I feel really badly. For you.

was sleeping between two

Note for some other time: I Thes has Saul discussing being sons of light and day contrasted to those who belong to the night. And those that are dark, sleep. There is a warning to not sleep as others do.

I've mentioned sleepiness before, and I think there's something larger here which I care not to develop now. But quickly:

* 106 refs for sleep
* Refs range from literal sleep to metaphorical and spiritual sleep. Lots of analogies here that also vary between death and evil.
* Tons of parables: Laz, little girl, Adam prior to the rib-snatching, etc.

Some tie-in here to my own sleepiness (literal) and sleepiness (spiritual) and sleepiness (emotional). Another time.

and patience, not knowing

Just a quick post since I don't want to miss another day, but at the same time, I have nothing to say. 32 more days until the release of the extended cut of Return of the King. No sleepiness, just anxiousness. No joke: I wake up most mornings and within a few minutes of consciousness, I count the number of days left till release. I started counting about 40 days ago.

Patience is a virtue; this I know from the constant barrage of reminders throughout Prov and the NT. To me, patience does not reflect a lack of virtue but a lack of intensity and passion. If you really care about something, how can you not wait for it to be near you? A loved one away on a long trip; a spouse serving overseas; the birth of a child. Obviously a DVD release day is not comparable, but in all these things, how is constant focus and day-counting a bad thing?

Perhaps its the intensity of focus on something other than Him that's the problem...

he will never taste of

A week later and I'm back in the senses saddle. In case you forgot where we left off: we stink. I know for sure about me, and I'm only guessing about you -- but it's a good guess. In any case, which of the other four shall we hit on today? Well, considering I'm craving that chocolate cream pie downstairs (soon to be not downstairs), let's try taste. Sounds odd to think we have a taste -- and maybe we don't since I've got nothing on this right now. But a concordance later, and let's see what we've got.

* 32 references to "taste". That's about 32 more than I thought there'd be.
* The first few in the OT deal with taste of crackers, honey, food. Nothing. The next few make it a verb -- but again, nothing.
* Ps 34 (the hymn not the school) gives us the first indication that this is more than an untamed V-flyer hunt. It's an invitation to sample the goodness of God -- partaking of His blessing as your very nourishment, but sumptuous not basic. Ps 119 repeats the usage but applies it now to itself, the Word.
* Jumping to the NT we get another goody -- the salt reference and all of that symbolism. No need to be redundant here.
* We get five, count'em FIVE references to tasting death. Odd in that death is a permanent thing, but tasting is by definition just a hint of the larger. The warning being used frice (thrice=three, frice=five -- work with me here) in the NT implies you can sample the larger. I'll call it here: tasting death is enjoying the tinny tang of sin and separation.
* We get a few more NT refs of sampling kindness, goodness, and gifts. The opposite of tinny tang.
* A Communion link? Hmmm. Something brewing, maybe.

Thesis: Since we're not part of this place, and since we haven't gotten to our place, we can't ever get the whole thing. It's bits for us right now. Those bits can either hint of the larger bitterness, or hint of the sweeter whole. There's an extension here if you can make the (hopefully) non-blasphemous cannibalism link but I don't even venture to try. Let's leave it with what we've got.

in the cloud, and

Yes, I know. I didn't post anything yesterday. But lately, I've been feeling branchy. This is a representation of what my thought processes feel like. You try sorting through this mess and retaining a sensible thought.

The follow-up question, I'm sure, is well, isn't this how it always is? Yes, but now there's snow.

on either side

I'll try to make this quick since I'm already late. But reading Gal5 made me both puff and wince. Let's see both:

PUFFING:
I'm not Bundy, Aguilera, Britney, Brigham, Copperfield, Hatfield (or McCoy), McCoy (or Hatfield), Gin Blossoms, Shaq, Kobe, the South, Stiller-Black, Kennedy (T), or Kennedy (J). You got me on the Nicholson, sure, but if I can go 1 for 15, I feel all puffed-up.

WINCING:
Then comes the dawn. And I'm not Cupid, Gladys, hippie, Job, Mother Teresa, Debbie, Samwise, Thomas, or Brannigan. To go 0 for 9 is worse than the 1 for 15, really. So who's puffing now, Puffy McPuffy?

like a garment they will also be changed

I watched an ESPN interview with Ray Lewis last night that skipped my heartbeat at the same time that it raised my guards. I think they're related and contrary, and we'll get to both. The long and the short of it is Ray Lewis is apparently a Christian (?!). Note: I've searched high and low for a transcript of the interview; if I find it, it'll be up, you can guar-an-tee that.

Upraised guards: This is a man who wears expensive mink coats and drives fancy cars and is spotted clubbing with groupies. Like lionsaver, this is who we want as a representative? He can't be a real Christian, can he?

Skipped beats: These images of him are old images. Maybe the change is recent. Maybe the minks and the cars and groupies are out with the fire-direction. And if he can be changed, what's that say for others? Promising, right? And really, the glamorous sins are no different than my plain ones, really.

the great supper of God

I don't deny that at the age of twelve, you generally know squat about the deep mysteries of the faith. I didn't even realize what Communion was until I was at least sixteen. And I didn't even understand there was a whole thing about it until I was eighteen. I'm not even at this point going to try to reconcile what I was taught with what I may know right now. Frankly, I don't think it matters. What matters is what I said earlier: me, God, something internal, intimacy, us.

made Him a supper

We had Communion during service today. Odd how this is something that has to be announced rather than assumed to be a critical part. It's the one thing I think I miss most about masses. Sure, there's the whole old-guy-wiping-the-holy-cup-folding-the-holy-napkin spectacle. But there's also the intimacy of Communion that non-masses simply miss.

If the central part of what's going on for you is the learning and the hearing of the Word, hey, you and I have no beef. If the central part is the singing, you and I? Still cool. But confuse not the ritual act of mass with something lacking worship. Because I'll tell you what: me, God, internal reconciliation, symbolism, and reminder of the passion? I'll take that seven days a week and twice on Sunday. Literally.

recognize you foolish fellow

Alright, I'll bite (impending pun intended). Seriously, man. What on earth were you trying to do? I don't get it. It's hard enough to convince the world that what they see, and what they experience isn't all there is. It's hard enough to coax them from the darkness. But when the light that is shining is shining with crazy, that darkness looks mighty fine, doesn't it?

* If indeed you were hoping to convince the lions to turn to Christ, realize that nowhere in the Word does it mention that those kings would be the ones in celebration with us. And were it otherwise, how did you know the pride weren't already believers?
* If what you were screaming was directed to yourself and not the lions, what were you trying to prove and to whom?
* If you felt you were the modern-day Daniel, realize that Daniel didn't provoke the whole biting thing.
* Seriously, this doesn't help us.

will also enter the beautiful

For those of you not keeping up with the light -- and that includes me -- this is what it's talking about.

so that I may awaken him

Have you seen this? I don't think I ever saw this one before. But there it is in black and white for all the world and mostly me to see. In 2Cor7, Saul says it loud and clear "God, who comforts the depressed". This, this is all I've been waiting for the past eleven years.

as it is written, how beautiful

It's easiest when the light decides to overwhelm the darkness and not give me the chance to hear but else. It's then I can listen without doubt, think without question, and hear without failure.

And today at least, this is the light

Wonderful, So Wonderful
Is your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen no ear has heard
No heart can fully know
How glorious, how beautiful you are

Beautiful One I love
Beautiful One I adore
Beautiful One my soul must sing

Powerful so powerful
Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The beauty of your majesty awakes my heart to sing
How marvelous how wonderful you are

You opened my eyes to your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as you

there will be a stench

Simmering now for a night, lid cracked open, and here it comes: back to this whole scent idea. Definitely a sermon on its own, with the other four brothers forming a solid 31-day month of Sundays on the homophonic Census (challenging you this morning, yes). Won't do more than an outline right now because still unsure this has a point.

* Only 11 references to "nose" and more to do with piercing than smelling
* Only 8 references to "smell" but there's a doozy of a one in Gen8
* 25 references to "scent" -- but wait, trickery's afoot. Actually only 4 since the other 21 are word organs.
* Here's the real kicker: 50 references for "aroma" and almost all of them preceded by "soothing". Now ExLevNum take their unfair shares being lawyerly and all but don't hold it against them.
* 2Cor, Eph, and Phil round out the NT but replace soothing with fragrant.
* There's some key events that involve scents indirectly without the concordial ease. Two that come to mind: Laz done for 3 and the wasteful Mary.

Thesis: Like an oenophile, our scent is meaningful to God. Rotting is the opposite of what we want to be. Nothing out of the ordinary about this thesis, so obviously something more has to be sniffed out. And maybe this makes more sense with an overarching thesis with the four brothers, I don't know.

but they thought

A few more loose thoughts in no particular order. I need to empty them since they're still banging around and I need the space. I have a hard enough time focusing on Him without the additional banging around:

* Victory sounds like this (sound up, please)
* In 2Cor2, Saul discusses how we smell to God. This is definitely a sermon in the making, I can tell. Something here about scent and the importance of the nose in the Bible. I might be reaching since nothing really comes to mind beyond this passage. In any case, the contrast between the aroma of death and the aroma of life is clear and almost tangible.
* In 2Cor3, Saul discusses veils. I started a short piece about afterbirths and prophesy and maybe there's a connection here, I doubt it. Why mention it then? Because of the whole need-space-no focus-banging thing.
* The Bride's lain down before -- what was the difference in last night's bout? I don't know and I don't care, and I hope the fight stays in the Bride.

to God who gives us the victory

There's a Simpsons episode where Bart gets hopped up on sugar and basically can't control himself. That's sorta how my mind is working right now. I'm so hyper giddy from last night's results that I can't process anything rationally right now.

Loose thoughts:
* Why do I feel victorious? I didn't do anything except pray -- which is the best thing I can do, actually, so maybe victorious is the appropriate sentiment.
* Why do I feel victorious? Only God could have carried out a victory where the incumbent has done everything short of drinking on camera to lose an election. To win by 3.6 million can only be attributed to God. Maybe victorious is the inappropriate sentiment.
* What would I have felt had the results been otherwise? Betrayed? God has no obligation to answer my prayers. Disappointed? God's will should never disappoint anyone.
* Why am I questioning my feelings? Because...well, isn't that my thing??

I thank you that you have heard

Nothing else to say but THANK THE LORD. Thank the Lord for getting His bride to do the right thing; for answering prayer; for reminding a country that separation is only separation from reality.

you did not choose me

By the way, He's either:
* praying His bride remains faithful;
* weeping over the state of a declining society, knowing the awful outcome; or
* shaking His head over the awful outcome, over a schizophrenic bride;

Either way you cut it, my prediction bodes ill news.

can I not follow you right now

May the bride of Christ turn out in full today and vote His conscience not its (their) own. Take your separation argument elsewhere, hardheart. He's not separating Himself from the world He died for.

who sees me sees the One

One of the reasons I've resisted dampening the voices is that I don't like my mind to feel clouded. Sometimes coffee does it to me and I can't bear the stark silence. I'm under the weather right now, and the worst part isn't the throbbing back right side of my head -- it's the cloudedness. So nothing to say from me, but below is an excerpt from a Schilling interview with some Boston sports people (the full interview can be found here

While many think you're a great pitcher and a courageous human being, some don't understand why you think the supreme being cares about whether you win a baseball game or not.

CS: "I never said He did."

Don't you pray before every game?

CS: "Yes."

What happens with your god when you lose?

CS: "With my God? Or God? I don't think anything happens to Him, but I think pretty much every time I do lose I get taught some sort of lesson. Be it preparation, aggression, execution, or humility."

Wasn't he listening that day?

CS: "He listens everyday."

If there is a supreme being of some sort, some may question whether he cares who wins the World Series. There just might be a few more pressing problems in the world.

CS: "Agreed ... I never asked the Lord for a win, or a strikeout, or to be better than anyone on the other team. I simply asked Him to provide me with the strength to get to the mound and compete, and to give me the strength to glorify Him when I was done. I have had the opportunity to do this in my career, and until this year I had basically passed. No more. Like every other time in my life when I looked to Him for help, for answers, He answered. But this time He answered in a way I felt. I always thought that when I asked, He was supposed to answer in a way I could easily see and understand, but I know now that a lot of times I am asking for one thing when I really mean something else, or asking for something I don't need. So now I stop asking the old way, and start letting Him decide what I need and how I need it.

"There are so many more pressing problems in the world I agree, but I can't be more than one person, so I asked for me, and for everyone on the field, the ability to compete, and do right, and wisdom.

"I proved to myself Game 1 that I didn't have the strength to do it, to overcome whatever it was I needed to overcome, Game 6 and Game 2 were all His. He got me out there, and my teammates took care of the rest.

"If you haven't checked it out, read Philippians 4:13 -- can't do anything these days without having that reverberate in my head."

There are other lines in the interview where Schilling wears his faith on the front of his uniform. It's so much more becoming than any team logo imaginable.